3 Years Today!

It was three years today that my angels were born. At 11:03am, Abigail Ann was born still into this world. At 11:08am, Morgan Sarah was born. Those moments were so bittersweet. I was filled with such joy to see their beautiful faces, but I also knew that those moments would be our last with our girls. I remember the feel of their skin and the weight of them in my arms. My arms long to hold them again. The house is filled with the scent of the candle that burned through the apartment the night they were born. I have that same feeling I did that night, anticipation of waiting for them to come home from the hospital, but it would be weeks before I realized that they would not. I wish that the world could have met my heavenly angels, because though they seemed like a dream, they were real.

Morgan Sarah

Happy Birthday Morgan! We miss you so much and think about you everyday! We are sending you lots of Hugs and Kisses in Heaven!

Love,
Mom, Dad, Sarah
XOXOXOXOXO

Abigail Ann

Happy Birthday Abby! We miss you so much and think about you everyday! Sending you lots of Hug and Kisses in Heaven!

Love,
Mom, Dad and Sarah
XOXOXO

Names in the Sand

Thank you to Sam and Carly for helping us remember Abby and Morgan in such a beautiful way! They would have been 3 this year. I often wonder who they would be today, what would they have asked Santa for, would Abby have been more like me and Morgan more like Michael. What would they have been like with Sarah. We miss them so much but I know that they are with us everyday watching over us. I just wish that we could hold them one more time.

We Love and Miss you so much!

1st Haircut!

Sarah had her 1st haircut! And it was a family affair. Both my sisters (Becky and Stacy) and my mom were there. Yolanda has been cutting my hair since, well for as long as I care to remember. She didn't really need much cut off, she just shaped it. It looks so cute!

This Fall!

These are the pictures that I took this fall of Sarah. The first set of pics are from the pumpkin patch. We went with Wendy and Kaleb. It was fun watching Kaleb and Sarah run around after each other and them running Michael. We also spent a Saturday morning at Zoo Boo with the Urban cousins. We spent the morning walking through haunted houses, trick or treating and looking at the animals. Sarah really liked the monkeys. It was so crowded and crazy! I think that the next time that we go back she will have to be walking around with no need for the stroller. The last set were from Halloween. She loved her bear costume and still puts it on. She loved seeing all the kids in their costumes.

Bath time pics!

Happy Turkey Day!

I just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I am updating this via Becky's computer because there seems to a be lots of problems with ours at the moment. So until I can get our computer fixed I will not be able to post. I promise that I will try to get some new picture of Sarah up as soon as I can.

Today we are at my Gram and Aunt Marsha's for dinner. We had a great day with the same spirited debates, naps and football on the TV. Sarah refused to eat anything of nutritional value today only the sweet stuff which drives Michael and I crazy. I guess tomorrow is a new day.

Since today is a day of thanks, I have to say how thankful I am Sarah and Michael. They fill my life with so much joy and happiness. I am thankful for family and good friends, they have been such a great support through trying times and a good laugh through the good times.

I hope that everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving!

Sarah at 1 year!

These are a few picture that I took of Sarah on her birthday right around the time that she was born. Our little girls is growing so fast!

I haven't posted in a while for several reason. 1.) I am just way too busy lately. I have been working alot more and when i am home I am making up for lost time with Sarah and Michael. And lets not talk about the cleaning and laundry. Michael has been working so much lately, we saw Michael a total of about 5 hours this week, up until Friday when he was off. 2.) I have been thinking about Abby and Morgan alot lately and I am not sure if this is the right outlet for all of that. And before anyone starts thinking I need to get over it already, I say, until you have walking in my shoes do not pass judgement. Last year at this time I was still basking in the glow of my newborn baby girl, Sarah. She needed me for everything and I needed to be needed. Though she still needs me, she is becoming more independent and there is more time to think. Think about who is not here with us.

I have been watching my cousin Desi's little girls Nina and Giulianna. Nina is 3 almost 4. Guilianna is 1, only 4 months older than Sarah. When I look at the three of them playing (or not) it just makes me wonder if this is what it would have been like if Abby, Morgan and Sarah were here. How exhausting it would have been. But I love watching how they interact with each other. I love that every minute is filled with something. When they are gone, I feel sad because my house is quieter and I am able to hear my thoughts more. My thoughts are of the girls and I re-live the day that they were born. The only time I truly had with them. I am starting to forget things about them. Isn't it bad enough that they aren't here with us, do my memories have to be taken also.

My heart is constantly at war, sad that my world is less beautiful without Abby and Morgan, but overwhelmed with the joy that Sarah gives my everyday.

Baby Gabriella!

Our very close friends Brian and Anna welcomed Gabriella Renee to this world yesterday. She was 6lbs 14oz and 19 inches long. We think that she was born around 5:30pm but not exactly sure, I am still waiting for confirmation. (I will let everyone know later for all of you who like to play the numbers.) Anna and Gabby are doing well. We are soo excited for you Brian and Anna. You are blessed with a beautiful family! Brian, as of yesterday you are "officially" out numbered (3:1), October 8th was the last day you had of ever being right about anything so I hope that you are ready. Brianna is going to be a great big sister and we can't wait to hear how she takes to having Gabby around. We love you!
Congratulations,
Beth, Michael and Sarah!

Nat'l Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day - Take Action

Thank you to Busted Babymaker for bringing this to my attention. Now I am bringing it to you...

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.

Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.

On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979.Action

Steps:

Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others-Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.

GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word

Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others-E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.

GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.

Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act-By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: "Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act."

GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages - most of which have nothing to do with the bill.

"An Ugly Pair of Shoes"
I am wearing a pair of shoes.They are ugly shoes.

Uncomfortable Shoes.

I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.

Yet, I continue to wear them.I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.

They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the other one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in the world.

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.

Some have work the shoes so long that days will go bybefore they think of how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.

Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger women.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
Author Unknown

Happy 1st Birthday Souza Sisters

Today was the birthday of my friend Debbie's twins Charlotte and Maggie! They are celebrating their birthday with Mickey Mouse in Disney World. I sooo wish that we could be there to celebrate with them. These two beautiful little girls are walking miracles just like Sarah. I hope that they are having a very Happy Birthday!

Patrick and Ber's Wedding

These are a select few of the picture that the photographer took. I wasn't able to take as many picture as I would have liked due to the fact that I had Sarah. It's really hard to carry Sarah and use my camera at the same time. Besides these are far better pictures than I can take.

Just to let those of you that were not there know, how proud of our baby girl that we were, she walked down the aisle. And she only fell once but thanks to Marie who quickly swooped her up, she continued on with ease. I wasn't able to watch the whole thing because I was walking on the outer aisle just in case she decided she wasn't up for it. (Here is where I beg that if anyone has any video or pictures of her walking up I would love to have a copy. PLEASE!!!!) The best part of the whole thing is that the last little bit of her walk turned into a cute run when she saw Michael at the end of the aisle. Michael then brought her around to me and there are no words to express the look of pride and love that Michael had on his face, it brought tears to my eyes.

I just want to say to Patrick and Ber:

Thank you so much for including me in your special day. It was the first wedding I had been to in years that I truly was able to have fun. The last few years for Michael and I have been really hard. The year, September 2007 to September 2008, has been one on the best years of my life. It started with the birth of my beautiful baby girl and ended with your wedding and Sarah's 1st birthday! Ber, you were one of the most stunning brides I have ever seen! (Patrick you weren't too bad looking either.) Patrick, you were such a little brat when I first met you 8 years ago and you have grown into a responsible man. I am so proud of you! Continue to make each others dreams come true and fill each day that you spend together with more love than the day before. Marriage is not always easy so continue to fight for each other. I hope that you are having fun on your honeymoon!

Love you both,

Beth

Here is my favorite picture from the whole day! This is the best family photo I have to date and I already have a copy displayed in my living room!

Photo by Anthony O'Donoghue (using my wonderful Cannon Rebel Digital Camera)

Visiting "More" Nan

Four Generations:



Nan and her grandsons:

Nan, grandson and great-granddaughter:

Father and daughter:


We visited Michael's "More" Nan our first free day. He called her "more" nan growing up because she was another (more) nan. Unfortunately she was not truly able to grasp that Sarah was her great-granddaughter and that Michael was her grandson. She is still in great humor which made the visit very enjoyable. I think that it was important for John to introduce Sarah to his mother and just as important to Michael.

Sarah's Irish Birthday Party

Day two was Sarah's Birthday party! Patrick and Ber had everything under control and I felt like there was nothing I could do but enjoy the day. It was weird not doing anything for my daughters birthday but it was nice to be able to watch everything and watch Sarah react to everything going on. Patrick and Ber rented a bouncing castle for the big day and we had a Mickey Mouse theme. As you can see from the pictures above that the adults had just as much fun on the bouncing castle if not more. You may also want to take another look at the pictures and count how many grown men have Mickey Mouse ears on their heads and how many kids did.

There was one point when everyone was singing "Happy Birthday" that I started to tear up. It was very overwhelming to think that a whole year had past. This little girl that was in my arms needing me for everything a year ago is now becoming more and more independent everyday. I just can't believe it. I think by the time that it all sinks in it will be her 2nd birthday.

I added some picture below that the slide show wouldn't let me add. Enjoy there is more to come.

Our first day in Ireland!

Uncle Anthony and Sarah on the trampoline:

Laura and Sarah:

(Very proud) Grandad and Sarah:

So we ended up arriving in Ireland 24 hours later than we had planned. Thank you to the very crappy US A*$%#ys, they delayed our flight leaving Pittsburgh to Boston by two hours. And after I asked and asked the "I D 10 T" at the gate if we were going to make our international flight and he assured us that we would...so, we finally got to Boston and US crappyways, let us run to the international terminal only to be turned away and told to go back to US horribleways to have them fix the problem. Anyone that has traveled with an infant, in 85 degree weather knows that this is not something that you say to a woman holding her exhausted daughter. Oh and did I mention that they had NO air conditioning on the flight from Pittsburgh to Boston. I think that there is something illegal about that but we'll find out when the better business bureau gets my letter. Anyway, we spent the night at Hilton Boston Airport and took off the following day.

When we got there Sarah was extremely tired considering that she only slept about an 1 1/2 hours of our 6 hour flight. But that's okay because when we got to Patrick's house we visited over breakfast and then took a 4 hours nap. When we got up we headed to Breeda's for dinner. The above pictures were taken at her house. Laura is Breeda's daughter (Michael's first cousin).

Michael and I are still in shock how much Laura has grown and it is hard to believe the little girl that I met 8 years ago is now holding (and babysitting) my daughter. Here is the little girl that I first met, this taken at Disney in 2001. She has grown up so much! I can't believe it!

So that was the first 48 hours and I will have more pictures once I get more time to got through all of them.

Happy 1st Birthday Sarah!!!!!

It is my baby's 1st birthday!!! Sarah was sick today and trying to catch up on all the sleep that she missed traveling home from Ireland, so it wasn't a very eventful day. It was the perfect day for me though because all she wanted was for me to hold her and cuddle her all day so that is what I did. It is so hard to believe that she is one. A whole year has past and she has changed so much in that year. She is our everything! Our dreams come true! She amazes us everyday with all that she is and all that she is becoming. It is hard to imagine who she will be next year at this time but I am looking forward to watching her grow. I will say that I have been blessed beyond words to have been able to be a stay at home mom. I know that in today's world it is becoming harder and harder for moms to be home full time and I do not take this for granted. This is the hardest thing that I have ever done, but it is the best and most rewarding thing I have ever done. I am thankful to have a husband that stuck by my through all of the hard times and works so hard everyday to let me live my dream of being a stay at home mom. I can't believe that this little 7 lb baby that I gave birth to a year ago is now walking, talking (well, as much as little one this age does), laughing, calling out "mama" and "dada", pointing to things that she wants (throwing a temper tantrum when she doesn't get it), dances, has like and dislikes. She is a little person now! I am in awe.

Sarah,

We love you so much and we are so happy you where sent to us by our other angels! Happy Birthday baby!

We love you with all of our hearts,
Moma & Daddy



PS...There is so much that I need to fill you all in on but I have little time to it so I will fill you in on more over the next several days.

HiHo, HiHo, It's off to Ireland we go.....

So we are off to Ireland for the much anticipated wedding of Patrick O'Donoghue to Bernadette Murphy! Michael and I are soo excited but extremely nervous. This is our first "big" trip with Sarah and we have no clue how it is all going to go. This could go one of two ways:

1) Sarah sits on our laps, plays nicely, waves to all the people around us, goes through her normal "adorable" performance and then falls asleep....

or

2) Sarah sits on our laps, plays nicely, waves to all the people around us, goes through her normal "adorable" performance, falls asleep for an hour, then realizes that its going to be a while before she gets off this airplane. Then starts to scream and yell until we let her down, she goes up and down the isle disturbing everyone from their sleep, throws a huge temper tantrum when we go to pick her up and then the pilot will threaten to ban us from all air travel till she is 18 and responsible for herself.

Not much to say....

So, there is not much to say. We have been getting ready for our big trip to Ireland. I have been working LOTS of extra hours and I just realized that tonight was the first night in 5 days that I have been home to put Sarah to bed. I really hate it because Michael, Sarah and I really had a great routine. Tonight we did part of the routine (without Michael because he wanted me to have some time with Sarah) but only half because I learned tonight that she has started to completely self soothe and didn't need me. I love that she is becoming independent but I am also sad because I want her to need me like she used to. I knew that this day would come and I am glad that I had the time that I did to cuddle her. I cannot believe that she is growing up so fast, it feels like yesterday that she was born.

Tonight a friend of ours, Sylva, brought her baby boy, William over to meet us. Sarah did the cutest thing. Just after William had his diaper changed, he was crying and Sarah tried to give him her Monkey. She was trying to comfort him with her lovey! It was just too cute.

I hope that everyone has a great last long summer weekend!