I haven't posted in a while for several reason. 1.) I am just way too busy lately. I have been working alot more and when i am home I am making up for lost time with Sarah and Michael. And lets not talk about the cleaning and laundry. Michael has been working so much lately, we saw Michael a total of about 5 hours this week, up until Friday when he was off. 2.) I have been thinking about Abby and Morgan alot lately and I am not sure if this is the right outlet for all of that. And before anyone starts thinking I need to get over it already, I say, until you have walking in my shoes do not pass judgement. Last year at this time I was still basking in the glow of my newborn baby girl, Sarah. She needed me for everything and I needed to be needed. Though she still needs me, she is becoming more independent and there is more time to think. Think about who is not here with us.

I have been watching my cousin Desi's little girls Nina and Giulianna. Nina is 3 almost 4. Guilianna is 1, only 4 months older than Sarah. When I look at the three of them playing (or not) it just makes me wonder if this is what it would have been like if Abby, Morgan and Sarah were here. How exhausting it would have been. But I love watching how they interact with each other. I love that every minute is filled with something. When they are gone, I feel sad because my house is quieter and I am able to hear my thoughts more. My thoughts are of the girls and I re-live the day that they were born. The only time I truly had with them. I am starting to forget things about them. Isn't it bad enough that they aren't here with us, do my memories have to be taken also.

My heart is constantly at war, sad that my world is less beautiful without Abby and Morgan, but overwhelmed with the joy that Sarah gives my everyday.