Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I haven't posted in a long while! Things have been really crazy for us the since the beginning of the year. January, Sarah was in the hospital for three days after having two seizures. After all of her tests the have found nothing which make us really happy! They say that it was a random thing due to the fact that she was sick the week prior to her seizures. February, Michael had his final surgery on his ear. All went well there but they did have to remove his eardrum. His recovery has been longer but he is doing really well! March, I was in the hospital, I got up in the middle of the night and thought that I was having a heart attack. Turns out that it was a anxiety, I guess the stress from the prior months had finally caught up to me. I am doing well now!
We are doing well but my Gram is not! I don't even know where to begin to describe whats going on but we know now that her time is coming to an end. We all really just her to be at peace. I just want her to take of Abby and Morgan for me!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Super Bowl Sunday!

Superbowl Sunday was soo much! Sarah had her game face on! Her personality is really starting to shine!

Playing in the Snow!

The weather here hasn't been that bad recently but there were a few days in January that were really bad. One afternoon when Michael was out shoveling the driveway I brought Sarah out to play in the snow. She was really unsure at first but loved being outside. It was a really cold day, as you can see by her red nose so we didn't stay long.

Christmas 08

Here are some pics of Sarah around Christmas time! Sorry these are better late than never!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Happy New Year! 2008 in Review!

Michael had to work this New Years Eve, so we packed up and Sarah and I went with him. Well, we didn't actually work. Michael booked us into the hotel, in a lovely 2 bedroom suite, where I ate Chinese food with my family and Sarah ran around like a loon until 12:30am. Getting her to bed was a test of wills. I eventually won, but not after a long hard fight. Michael came up about 25 minutes before midnight and rang in the new year with us, then he was back to work keeping crowd control. Michael finally came to bed about 2:30am, his absolutely adorable dream of having the three of sleep in the same bed came to a bitter reality as he was kicked and shoved by Sarah for the 3 hours he had hoped to sleep. It would figure that 15 minutes after he got out of bed, Sarah finally got comfortable with her head on his pillow and slept until 10:30. New Years Day, we went to Great-Grammie and Marsha's house for the traditional meal of pork and sauerkraut. When we got home Michael and Sarah crashed early!

I saw this on another blog (Thank you, Debbie!!!!) So here is 2008 in review!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Holidays

Where do I begin? I guess I should start off with Christmas Eve. Sarah slept in that morning until about 9:45. It was amazing! Our morning starts with a ritual of snuggles, a diaper change and breakfast (we learned that Sarah likes French toast sticks.) By then it was 11:03am and the morning rush to get started was underway but my thoughts were on Abby and Morgan. This was the first year that I didn't do anything at the cemetery. I felt really horrible about, like I was letting them down, like I wasn't being a good parent. I know that you are thinking how can you let down children that aren't even alive but I felt that way. It was just too hard this year in many ways. Although, my mom and dad went to the cemetery and put a beautiful wreath with angel's wings there.

Anyway, this was the first year I had Christmas Eve dinner at our house. Michael wanted turkey, so that is what we had with all of the trimmings. We decided that we wanted to start a new tradition for ourselves and Sarah. Something that Sarah could count on every year, so that no matter where we are she knows that family will be at our house for Christmas Eve dinner. This year it was my Mom, Dad, Becky, Stacy and us. (maybe next year Michael's family will be able to be with us too.) I want to Thank my family for being so willing to change tradition and start a new one with us. I know that 30 years of tradition is really hard to move on from, I missed it too, but I am happy we made the change. After dinner we exchanged gifts and it was a mad house. My parents went crazy buying for Sarah and I don't think that she knew where to begin. She would tear open the paper and then just stare at the boxes. It was crazy! After we put Sarah to bed, Michael and I went to 10pm Mass. (We didn't leave Sarah at home by herself, my parents watched her.) Michael really disliked the choir, they were really bad. I know that isn't the point of being at mass but it made it really hard to concentrate, so I think next year we will try a different church.

Christmas morning, the same morning ritual, snuggles, diaper change but no breakfast. We brought Sarah into the living room and she ran to the tree with an immediate halt. She opened her mouth in a wide "O" and pointed to the Christmas Mickey Mouse wrapped gifts. Then came the delayed "OOOHHH." Her face was so precious. I have to admit that I didn't get many pictures of her that morning, I was paying so much attention to her reaction that I forgot about the camera. It was a little overwhelming for her but I think next year will be alot more fun. I have to say Christmas is so much better with Children. Don't get me wrong, I know plenty of people that have great Christmas's without children, I was one of them for many years, but watching Sarah and interacting with her is better than any other Christmas' I have ever had.

After a breakfast of monkey bread and taking turns to get ready, we were off to Great-Grammie and Marsha's house. We had an early dinner there and exchanged gifts then came home to a nice quite evening. I have no idea what got into Sarah that night but she was so funny and goofy, she had Michael and I in stitches all night. It was fantastic!

I don't know how to explain how great Christmas was this year and to think how much better it will be next year when she really gets it. I can't wait! I think I may even start a countdown!

I know that it may appear to some that I can not or have not dealt with the loss of Abby and Morgan due to several things expressed to me this holiday season, but I want to make it clear that I have dealt with it and will be dealing with it for the rest of my life. And I say "I", but really, Michael deals with it too. Its just that he does it in a more silent way. I choose not to be so silent because I refuse to tiptoe around it. I will never deny myself the gift of being a mother to "3" beautiful little girls. Each one, no matter how short of time they were with me, have graced my life with pure joy. Being a mother to them has been my greatest accomplishment and I feel that by not acknowledging them all is denying them all the pride that I feel for them. I thank God everyday for each and everyone of them. I do not know why only Sarah is here with me today, but I have come to terms with not asking why for I know that God has a reason for everything. But I am human, so I am not void of feeling sad and missing them. I hope that as my family and friends, you can understand and though this blog is mainly to keep you updated about Sarah, it is also to remember Abby and Morgan.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

3 Years Today!

It was three years today that my angels were born. At 11:03am, Abigail Ann was born still into this world. At 11:08am, Morgan Sarah was born. Those moments were so bittersweet. I was filled with such joy to see their beautiful faces, but I also knew that those moments would be our last with our girls. I remember the feel of their skin and the weight of them in my arms. My arms long to hold them again. The house is filled with the scent of the candle that burned through the apartment the night they were born. I have that same feeling I did that night, anticipation of waiting for them to come home from the hospital, but it would be weeks before I realized that they would not. I wish that the world could have met my heavenly angels, because though they seemed like a dream, they were real.