I know that I haven't posted in a while but the last week has been hard. I have been spending my time reading the blog of a woman that just lost her twins several weeks ago. She was 23 weeks pregnant. I admire the fact that she can write what she is going through, putting her heart on-line everyday for anyone to read. Reading it brings me back to just after Abby and Morgan were born. It is like she is in my head. It still hurts just like it was yesterday. Someone recently told me to "let it go and start living your life for Sarah." I got really angry and started to defend myself when I realized that this person obviously has no idea what it is like to lose a child let alone two and there was no reason for me to make myself more upset. I do live every minute of every day for Sarah, but Sarah is not and never will be a replacement for Abby and Morgan. So while I Love her with everything in me, there is a part of me that belongs to them, and what I have to do is learn to live my life without them.
Reading that blog made me think about how much I miss the girls. Life has gone on without them and though that is the way that it is meant to be, it makes me wish that they were here playing with me, Michael and Sarah. I can only imagine how crazy this house would have been. If I would have gone to my due date the girls would have been 2 years old this May.
I miss you Abby and Morgan, I love you with all of my heart!
I just need to say thank you to Debbie for bring this woman's blog to my attention. You are right she needs our prayers and to know that people are thinking about her and her twins. So I ask that everyone please say a prayer for this woman, her husband and her twins. And Debbie, thank you for being there for me. I am so blessed that our twins brought us together. And I am twice blessed that our children will grow up together.
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Ok... You have me crying now... After going through what was the worst time of my life, I never thought anything good could come out of losing Brian and Lillian. And then I met you. You have no idea how much your friendship helped me through that time. Just knowing I could spill my heart and you would know exactly how I felt... And knowing I could pick up the phone and call meant the world to me!! Our angels were looking out for us. They knew that we would need a friend. A friend who could understand the pain we were going through. A friend who could help through the darkness and celebrate when the sun shined again. Our angels made sure that we both would be blessed again. I mean how awesome was it that we were pregnant together!! And that our girls are only 2 wks apart in age!! I know that Abby, Morgan, Brian and Lillian were up in Heaven having a big party on Sept 17th and the 30th. Like you I think of my angels everyday. I wonder too what it would be like if I had all of my kids here with me!! Every time I look at Charlotte and Maggie I think of Brian and Lillian. I feel that their little souls are living through their sisters...
Ok I need to stop... Firstly cause this comment will be wicked long but also cause I am bawling my eyes out. Beth, THANK YOU for being my friend and support! You have no idea how much I value our friendship. And I am so looking forward for the day that we can meet up again!! I hope that our girls grow up to be just as good of friends as we are!!
Hugs and kisses to Sarah:)
Love,
Debbie
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