Debbie

Two years ago today was Debbie's due date for her twins Brian and Lillian. I just want you to know that we are thinking about you always but especially today! Friendship is a gift from the angels...our angels!

Already 7 months

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So Sarah is now 7 months, I can't believe how time flies. I haven't posted much because it is harder to find time now that I am back to work. When I am home it is all about Sarah! She is learning so much everyday. She loves walking so anytime we need to move from room to room she wants to walk. She is now saying "mama", "dada", and "baba." And if she is not saying those sounds she is just talking away. Sometime she talks so seriously that it make me wonder if she is really a 40 year old in a babies body. I am trying to teach her to give kisses and wave. I am having better luck with the kisses. She LOVES mashed potatoes (she is irish) and bananas. Gosh, there is so much that has changed I feel like I don't know where to begin or end. I just know that everyday with her is an adventure and it is the best one that I have ever been on.

Back to Work

So tonight was my first night back to work in over a year. In the last 7 months, I have only left Sarah a hand full of time and never for 8 hours. I don't think that it really bothered her but it bothered me. Michael will tell you that there was a lot of tears this afternoon and this weekend will not be any better. I know that this is the best thing for her and for me but I hate leaving her. I know that this will not make sense to most people but after losing Abby and Morgan it is harder to leave her and not be afraid that something is going to happen to her when I am not around. Now before you say it...I know that I can not protect her from every bad thing and that all parents want to protect their children but that doesn't take my fears and worry away. Especially when I know how it feels to have a child and then have it taken away.

I am also afraid that I am going to miss something really big. Yesterday she started to putting her hands in the air when you say "who is big...Sarah is SO BIG." It is so cute! (I will download pics very soon!) And she is doing it non-stop. Michael has her walking up and down our hallway (not on her own yet but holding our fingers) and I can't imagine how much it would hurt if someone else was there to witness her first step on her own and I wasn't. Everyday she is learning something new, I just don't want to miss out on any of it. I keep telling myself that this is for the best, I am earning extra money for Ireland, getting adult interaction, Michael is getting more one on one time with her and Sarah is getting some independence away from me.

Well my first day wasn't that bad and I think that I am going to like it. The people are nice and they seem like a lot of fun. This definitely isn't like any of the other hotels that I have worked in before. I really did miss Sarah, I wish that I could just bring her with me. I better be going to bed the sooner I get to sleep the sooner I get to play with Sarah.

Good night all!

Play time!

We just love her giggle!

Missing the girls

I know that I haven't posted in a while but the last week has been hard. I have been spending my time reading the blog of a woman that just lost her twins several weeks ago. She was 23 weeks pregnant. I admire the fact that she can write what she is going through, putting her heart on-line everyday for anyone to read. Reading it brings me back to just after Abby and Morgan were born. It is like she is in my head. It still hurts just like it was yesterday. Someone recently told me to "let it go and start living your life for Sarah." I got really angry and started to defend myself when I realized that this person obviously has no idea what it is like to lose a child let alone two and there was no reason for me to make myself more upset. I do live every minute of every day for Sarah, but Sarah is not and never will be a replacement for Abby and Morgan. So while I Love her with everything in me, there is a part of me that belongs to them, and what I have to do is learn to live my life without them.

Reading that blog made me think about how much I miss the girls. Life has gone on without them and though that is the way that it is meant to be, it makes me wish that they were here playing with me, Michael and Sarah. I can only imagine how crazy this house would have been. If I would have gone to my due date the girls would have been 2 years old this May.

I miss you Abby and Morgan, I love you with all of my heart!

I just need to say thank you to Debbie for bring this woman's blog to my attention. You are right she needs our prayers and to know that people are thinking about her and her twins. So I ask that everyone please say a prayer for this woman, her husband and her twins. And Debbie, thank you for being there for me. I am so blessed that our twins brought us together. And I am twice blessed that our children will grow up together.

Just want to chat....

Sarah just wants to chat! There are three minutes of her chatting away and it might be boring to some but for those that don't get to chat with her that often, here she goes....

They are back....

How do I explain to my husband for the last 20 years I have been secretly married to Donnie Walhberg. And that I have two other children and they live in LA. Not to mention that my older sister Becky is married to Jonathan Knight, my younger sister to Danny Wood, Anna to Jordan Knight and my cousin Desiree to Joey McIntyre. Do you think that Micheal will like the queen sized New Kids sheet I put on our bed? I was wondering if I still get life size posters from Teen Beat or Bop Magazines or do I have to create my own at Ritz. Don't worry Michael I will only hang them on my side of the bedroom. And move over for my life size Donnie doll is sleeping with us tonight. Mom pull out the old videos, I need to show Sarah who her real father is...

Someone download thier tour schedule we are hitting the road.